Contact/Media

If you’ve survived a suicide attempt and can talk about it openly, I’d like to hear from you. The contact form is below.

If you’re a member of the media, welcome. This blog has been mentioned so far by the BBC, Salon, The Associated Press and others. I’ve also guest blogged on sites including that of UK political strategist and well-known mental health advocate Alastair Campbell.

“I felt invisible again when I entered ‘suicide survivor’ into my Internet search engine and found many websites for those bereaved by suicide _ wonderful for those facing this acute form of grief. But almost nothing for those of us who have survived a suicide attempt. What do I call myself? How can I reach out to my fellow survivors without a name for us? I still don’t know. And I still can’t find many of my soul mates despite the many thousands of us that we know are out there. We are hidden behind labels of depression and other ‘mental illnesses,’ where discussion of suicide is generally avoided. Language is important, and I need a word of phrase to identify this role in my life.”

_ David Webb, “The Many Languages of Suicide”

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One thought on “Contact/Media

  1. I am a 65 year old woman. Wife of 45 years, mother of two and grandmother of 7 beautiful grandchildren. I live in a lovely home, have many friends am involved in various volunteer opportunities and sing in the church choir. Sounds like a pretty awesome image of a woman my age. Sounds like a great life with nothing to want for. All is not as it appears. This grandmother tried to take her life 14 months ago with an overdose of pills. I found myself in the ER starring at my husband and daughter. Waking up alive had not been the plan. All I could think of was wow, I really screwed this up. I was committed to a psychiatric center for a 4 day review and when released admitted myself to a recovery center for 4 weeks. Talk about feeling pretty disgusted and ashamed, me a Grandmother, how could I have done this to my family? What do they think of me. If you think dealing with the thoughts that you were obsessed with before your attempt were tough and overwhelming, waking up alive after an attempt, brings on a whole new set of problems. I have been working with a therapist and found an online support group, Suicide Anonymous SKYPE meeting that meets weekly. Both have been very helpful and I am working on moving forward with my life. I know I am in a better place than I was 14 months ago, yet still, the mental illness that I am experiencing is still very much a part of my everyday life. How I got to the point of wanting to take my life is hard for me to believe, but I am now able to see how things spiraled out of control and I landed in a very dark place. Four years ago, my health took a bad turn, I had to have brain surgery and through the course of a hospital stay contacted a infectious bacterial infection in my lungs. I suffered with recovery from the surgery and spent 3 years battling the lung problems. I was on oxygen and a walker. I now have congestive heart failure. It was a pretty miserable 3 years for me. I became a virtual invalid and barely left my house. Before this, I played golf 4 days a week, volunteered in my community and led a pretty active fulfilling life style. This new situation became a death trap for me. The pain and other problems related to my recovery, took over my life. I did nothing but worry about my health, doctor’s visits, medications and the burden I had become to my family. I became more and more depressed. My mind spiraled out of control. I felt unworthy and useless. The more help people tried to give me the worst I felt. I didn’t like this feeling of being out of control of my body and now my mind. My pre-occupation with ending my life began and it started to seem like a very viable solution to my problems. I was convinced I was dying and started thinking why not hurry it along. I was sure my being gone would help everyone. I would be out of pain and no longer a burden to my family. I felt my friends and family would be able to move on and not have to worry and take care of me. More and more it began to seem a rational decision, now I see how mentally unstable I was to believe this decision to be valid. I began fantasizing about how to do it. I started with the idea that the endless nap would be the best for me. I would lay down one day and not wake up. Surely there wouldn’t be too much pain involved and it wouldn’t be messy or hard to do. Getting drugs was a simple chore for me. I was on so many medications, for pain, anxiety, depression and others to treat my real physical ailments, I had a treasure of endless drugs. My doctors were always happy to prescribe more when I asked.. I began testing my theory by mixing various meds and taking “my little nap”. I wanted to see how much I could tolerate and escape to that wonderful pain free place I called “my little nap”. I did this often and felt very much in control. I began to know just how much I could take for my nap and yet not sleep forever. I knew that any day I wanted I could turn “my little nap” into an “endless nap” by just taking more drugs. And so, that’s what I did last August, I scooped up just about everything I had in my drawer and took them. I knew I had a lot of time alone so no one would find me and I could sleep forever and take m
    “my endless nap”. Well, God stepped in and brought my husband home earlier than I expected. He found me, called 911 and that’s where this new story in my life began. Waking up Alive, it’s a new life and I am working hard to find ways to heal myself and move forward. We need to get the word out to other people who are suffering from this tragedy. I am committing myself to try to help and reach as many people I can who are hurting. This is the first time I have gone this public with my story. I have told a few friends, but haven’t been ready to share it all completely with just anyone, however I am becoming braver and stronger. I have been encouraged to start sharing by reading so many blogs and hearing my peers discuss there struggles. I do believe more healing will come the more I can share my story and hear others share theres.

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